…to buy or wear these? If you are interested, buy here, but if I see your kid wearing them, I might chuckle.
Great post HERE about probably the reality of the birth of Christ over at Missy’s blog!
Ok, not really tears tears, but I felt like it. Jason had off Tuesday afternoon so we headed out hand in hand, kid free, to accomplish the rest of our shopping – albeit in the pouring down rain.
We’re not doing a ton this year – I think most people I’ve talked to say the same thing. We’re cutting back not because of the economy persay – but we are saving for an adoption and sticking with our debt reduction plan at the same time. But even that is not really it. We just really don’t want the kids to grow up thinking Christmas is about a ton of gifts or that they get everything they want. We want them to have a healthy perspective of “things”. Thankfully our parents are cutting back as well. But how do you really get that through to kids?
Our Christmas list (well mainly Everett’s – he is four) had grown to ridiculous proportions, limited to only what was shown in a commercial, in a newspaper ad, or what was on the shelf in the toy section. 
We sat and had a big discussion about needs vs. wants. I was really surprised, but the kids seemed to get it! We talked about that Christmas is a time to get mostly the things we need, and a few things we want. They both listed some things they needed, and we’ve focused on that in our shopping for the most part.
Of course we want to get them some wants too. We got them all a basketball goal, and we’re doing some art supplies. Nolan is still in that clueless stage, so we’re not doing much for him. He does love to sweep so we got him a kid sized broom that plays music while he sweeps. That’ll be fun. Everett is really easy since his list is so long, but we did get him to pare it down. We got him a couple of little Ben 10 things and a play guitar. Katie Beth is the tricky one.
I walked up and down the aisles of the girl section at Toys R Us on Tuesday. I mean, it’s the mecca of toys, there should be something, right? Baby dolls? Kind of, but Jason’s mom is getting her one already along with some skates (mental note, we should have saved some of our good ideas for us…). Barbies? Not really – too old for them and she has around 27. Princesses? Nope -she’s very clear about being too old for those now. Polly Pockets and My Little Pony? Nope, we’ll save the ones we have for baby sister. We already have microphones and dress up clothes, but those don’t get much attention either. I stood there realizing my baby girl is not a baby girl anymore!! There was not one thing in the little girl aisle that she would really LOVE! I just stood there getting a little teary-eyed. So what do you get a 7 year old girl?
We had already gotten her clothes she needed, but this is not something she gets excited about yet – I know – give her a year or two. We got her the Bop It game thing and a cheap Wii game. But that’s about it. And there’s nothing she’s really asked for. I wanted her to be prepared for the lack of wow on Christmas morning – not that it’s about that, and she knows that. But still, compared to her brother, there’s really no big fun thing for just her.
So I said yesterday morning, “Katie Beth honey, I haven’t found a lot of things that are super fun for you for Christmas. I’ve gotten you some of your needs, but there aren’t many things that are just fun to have.” Her response? A big smile and she said, “That’s great!!” Huh? I reclarified how she didn’t like princesses and the baby girl toys as much anymore, and what else did she really really want? I told her we’d gotten her a game. She just hugged me, and said that was great. I love that kid! Her age makes it sad to shop for her, but it also means she’s starting to get it.
I’ve been saving Box Tops for forever – just keep forgetting to send them in. Like two or three years worth. I sent them in yesterday morning, and she was asking what they were. I explained the school could trade them in for money. She said, “For the person that brings them in?!?” I could see the dollar signs in her eyes. I laughed and said, “No the school gets to use it for things they need. That’d be fun if we could get money though too wouldn’t it?” She said, “Yeah, then we could trade it all in to help get baby sister!” She’s just gotten the idea that money can be used for something else. She’s gotten Jason and I’s mentality that we can’t spend money now without looking at it through the lens of going towards the adoption or compared to the dire needs of people around the world. We have a jar on our counter for baby sister money, and everytime she finds change she wants to put it in there. And every once in a while she’ll pull a dollar or two out of her piggy bank and put it in the counter jar, all while beaming with pride and love. I love it.
Don’t get me wrong. She has her problems. She has a blue or yellow card almost everyday for singing or talking at school. She delights in being a momma to her friends and brothers – bossing and tattling. We have other areas to work on, but I sure am glad this is an area she does get. But, it makes me a little sad too – she’s growing up!
I found a new blog today – it’s about the Kennedy family who had three bio kids (two girls, one boy) and adopted from Ethiopia (a boy). The husband (Zach) is the Minister of Creative Media at their church. When they came home, they found their passion for Africa and orphans to have grown even more. Their church, First Baptist in Springdale, AR, seems similar to ours in many ways – primarily their focus on missions. They have work they are doing in Haiti also (among other places). They are also working in Malawi, Africa. They are building an orphanage there and are in the process of getting it started.
The Kennedys (the blog I found today) took their family of six (four kids aged five and under) over to live in Malawi for two months to get the orphanage started. It’s an interesting read (although you have to scroll down a bit if you want to start from the beginning of their journey). A good picture of their time there is this post: Me Too which was posted on their pastor’s blog – Ronnie Floyd.
Since our trip to Africa in 2000, Jason and I have always wanted to go back. Funny, Africa used to be the LAST place I wanted to go – I NEVER wanted to go. But after we went and saw, we were changed. I’m sure our trip to pick up Baby Girl (we really need a name) will be the same. I’m interested to see how it would change us. And I want change – I don’t want to be the same.
I don’t know what our future holds and what God is going to call us to. If I had to say right now, I don’t think it would be full time missions. Of course ten years ago (pre-Africa trip), I didn’t think we’d be adopting a child from Africa either. But, I would LOVE to do something like a longer short-term trip someday like the Kennedys. Being a Christian is such an adventure – you just never know what is ahead and what the Lord has in store! Better is one day in your house Lord than a thousand elsewhere!
I’ve had so many of you sweet people ask how we’re doing adoption wise and where we’re at, and I really don’t have a great answer! We’ve basically completed ALL of our paperwork on our end. Like it’s all filled out, notarized, and copies made. We’re waiting on two paperwork items to come in - our FBI paperwork to come in (background checks, etc) and our approval from the Department of Homeland Security to adopt. The FBI one isn’t really a big deal, but the other one has a reputation for taking FOREVER! We can’t do anything really until it gets in. So, if you think about it, pray for our I171 form – that’s the big one. We get fingerprints done for it on 12/15, and then hopefully our form will come in fast!!
After we get all that info, I take all of our paperwork (the group of paperwork is called a dossier – pronounced “doss-ee-ay”) to our county office to get it authenticated (basically they are approving that the notaries are correct from what I understand). Then I take it to the state office to get it authenticated by them. Then we mail the dossier off to our agency so that they can send it to DC to get it authenticated there. THEN it finally goes to Ethiopia!
Once that’s done we’ll be officially waiting for our baby girl! They say the average wait right now for ages 13 months and up is 3-4 months for a referral. A referral means that they will send us a picture of a child they feel matches our family preferences. We will get a picture, all available medical information, and how she came to be in the orphanage’s custody. Sometimes all they know is that she was abandoned. Sometimes a family member comes in to give them up. There are a lot of abandoned children. Oftentimes the parents are still alive, but if a child is abandoned, the Ethiopian government allows them to be adopted sooner. If a parent or family member comes in to surrender the child for adoption, they require the family member to go to court later on. From what I’ve learned, family members don’t want to go to court and fill out all the paperwork so they abandon the child to make it easier. This just makes it hard for the adoptive families to get any other information on the child – they will want information as they get older about their parents, and we’d like to be able to give that to them if we have it.
Anyway, we can choose to accept the referral or not. Most of the time, referrals are not turned down except for some medical information that doesn’t fit the family’s requests. Once we accept the referral, we wait for our court date (usually 2-3 months after referral). The Gladney staff that is in Ethiopia goes to court for us so that we don’t have to make two trips. So the courts will (hopefully) declare us her legal parents! Then even though we will officially be her parents, we’ll still have to wait a few weeks (2-6) for travel. Then we can FINALLY go get her!!!
I know that’s a lot of information, but I hope it helps you get a good picture of the timeline for those that have had questions. HOPEFULLY our paperwork will be off to Ethiopia by the end of January. That would put us getting a referral around June or July. Then court around September or October. And travel around October or November. HOPEFULLY SOONER!
So pray for that paperwork to come in fast, and we’ll keep you posted!!!
We had a great Thanksgiving – thankful for so many things! A big huge thing to be thankful for is that Katie Beth asked Jesus into her heart last week! She is going to be baptized tomorrow morning during our 11:30 service, and we are so excited for her! She’s very excited too!
Katie Beth has talked about this for a while. Having grown up in church, both she and Everett were able to answer all the questions about sin, Jesus dying on the cross, heaven and hell, etc. at early ages. But, having counseled with teenagers who doubt their salvation because they didn’t feel their original salvation at a younger age was valid, we really wanted to make sure she understood what she was doing. About six months ago, she really was asking a lot about it, but I just didn’t think she got the lifetime commitment part of it. Who does as a baby Christian? A six year old has to understand as much as a six year old can. But, we just didn’t think she was ready so I said, “Well, it seems you’re not quite ready. How would you feel about just waiting for a while?” She said, “OK!” and was pretty easily deterred. I knew she wouldn’t agree to wait if she was really ready.
So when she started asking this time, we really questioned her a lot and dug in to some hard questions. She first asked at bedtime (she can come up with anything to stall!), and we sent her to bed and said she could talk about it in the morning. Usually that will deter her. But, she hopped up, got ready fast (another oddity), and she sat down at the table and said she was ready. We didn’t even know what she was talking about at first. The cool thing was that my high school accountability girls were running late, and Everett – our 6:00am riser, was still not up at 6:45! We had her all to ourselves – it was a God thing!
Jason asked LOTS of good questions, and she answered them pretty well. I explained that allowing Jesus to be your Lord meant He got to make your decisions for you – your friends, your activities, your college, your husband, where you live, where you work – all of that God wants to direct. She was kind of hesitant for a second, but I explained that letting Him lead in all areas of our lives was the best thing for us – that He really did know best. She grinned big and said she was ready! So we prayed with her, I cried, and it was just a really special moment! Right around then one of my girls Caroline got there (I actually motioned for her to wait in the car for just a few minutes – thanks Caroline!), and she was able to come in and take a picture:
Ok, it was really early! Sweet girl! What a blessing to us! I cannot wait to see all that God has in store for her. I’m privileged to be on the front lines to watch.
My quiet time last night was on God’s righteousness and justice. Sometimes I don’t like to think about those characteristics of God. Accepting that everything God does is right, fair, and just means that some of the really hard situations of my life, and friends’ lives, are right – they are exactly what God wants. Which means I have to accept that.
We have some friends from seminary, the Ashers, that have been through a major battle with infertility. The not fair #1. After years of struggling, God allowed them to adopt child #1, to get pregnant (!) with child #2, and now they are in the middle of adopting their third child. The road has been so so long for them, but their testimony and faith through it has been amazing. Daniel, the sweet baby boy, was born early and is fighting for life in the NICU. The not fair #2. Our friends have been out to California (they live in TX) a couple of times already to see him; he’s already theirs in their hearts. Last night they got a call from the birth mom that she’s changing her mind. The really not fair #3. We’re all praying for a resolution to this. Their facebook status last night said this: *** URGENT PRAYER REQUEST *** Friends and family, Catherine just received a phone call from Daniel’s birthmom saying that she has changed her mind. We are calling on all of our friends to pray – right now – for a resolution. We do not want to take someone’s baby from them, but we entered into this adoption with good faith that it was her intention to place him for adoption.
So I’m praying for a resolution. I WANT to pray that this baby would be the Ashers’. It should be, right? But, it would mean praying for a mother to give up her child. But, I can’t pray in my heart for our friends to be denied a child that already seems to be theirs. I know that God’s will must be done, and He already has a plan in this. I’m praying for a solid and quick decision, for wisdom on all their parts, and that God to be glorified. As a momma, I can identify with our friends and the birth mom too, although I don’t know her situation. I know she is not saved, so I’m praying for her salvation most of all - pray with me! But in my heart, I’m just broken for my sweet friend Catherine. Oh, she is just an amazing girl of amazing faith that has talked recently about her love for this birthmom and her desire for her to know Christ. So how in the world God would THAT be fair? Not for Catherine and Jeremy God…
So shortly after hearing this news came my quiet time last night. And what was it on? God’s justice.
Deut 32:4 “He is the Rock; his deeds are perfect. Everything he does is just and fair. He is a faithful God who does no wrong; how just and upright He is.”
Jer 9:24 “But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken!”
Ps 89:14 “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before you.”
I slept last night with the Ashers on my mind and heart, and the words from last night’s scripture ringing through my dreams. It was a praying, restless sleep all night. I know, because God’s word tells me so, that He is just, He is righteous, and that justice and righteousness are coupled with his unfailing and steadfast love. God’s justice and righteousness are paired with love! My prayer is that God’s justice will be upheld in this situation, that He will be glorified, but equally important, that His love will cover over both families in an undeniable way.
Everything is not fair here on Earth. But, oh, when we get to heaven: “As I kept watching, thrones were set in place, and the Ancient of Days took His seat… Thousands upon thousands served Him; ten thousand times ten thousand stood before Him. The court was convened, and the books were opened” Dan 7:9,10 Oh wow, nothing gets me going like that!!! I can’t wait to see that picture of the Lord sitting, waiting, with servants all around him, everyone waiting for the Lord’s justice. Can you imagine that moment? That exact moment???? Oh, wow! Because then my friends, every knee will fall – there will really and truly be NO more injustice – no orphans, no murders, no abused wives or children, no innocent casualties of war, no refugees forced from their homes, no false accusations, no deaths that were too soon, no unscrupulous politicians, no homeless, and the list could go on.
- I had to go buy a fire extenguisher today. We need one for our home study which is TOMORROW!!! The exciting part is that once we have our visit, she writes up her report, she’ll send it to Gladney, and we’ll be a lot closer to mailing off everything to Ethiopia!! And I guess we are now prepared for a fire…
- Why is it that the news anchors always ooh and aah when showing a building that was imploded? I really don’t even understand why those keep making it on the news. But, the news people ooh and aah like that haven’t seen a hundred before.
- Reading this week in the chapter of Hebrews. Interesting book. More on that later. Lots of it marinating in my head.
- I’m debating a half marathon in the spring. Of course I was debating a 5K on Thanksgiving too and since I haven’t started running for that yet, it’s probably out. Lessons learned from the marathon this past spring: don’t sign up (and pay) way in advance, don’t run a race you haven’t trained for, and well, maybe just don’t run marathons period. I may just be lazy through the holidays and start with all the other January peeps. Or I may not start at all. I have a choice because I am NOT on a training program right now. That’s a lovely feeling.
- Speaking of needing to run, one of the blogs I regularly read had a post about peppermint Hershey’s kisses. Never heard of such a thing. Put it it right out of my mind. Until I saw them today at Target. Now that was just too much of a coincidence, right? They were almost right in my path. I mean I should at least try a few, right? Ten pieces of later maybe I’m still trying to figure out if they are good. Or maybe I. Can’t. Stop. Thanks Renee. Thanks a lot.
- I thoroughly enjoyed our balmy spring-like weather earlier in the week, but I’m loving the cool rainy weather.
- I hate starting Christmas before Thanksgiving. I really do. But in said Target there were some Christmas carols playing as I was walking past Christmas decor and ahem, the Christmas candy, and I got a little surge of Christmas spirit. I’m going to try and hold it off until after Thanksgiving.
- I have about six loads of laundry to fold. All clean. Probably all wrinkled by now. I hate that. It always tempts me to just wash them again to avoid ironing so many of them. The Underhills rarely pull out an ironing board – it is NOT my spiritual gift. My mother would be appalled. She would be REALLY appalled to see all the wrinkled clothes we’ll be wearing for the next week or so. I may have to listen to my Christmas playlist while I fold…
A Prayer/Pledge of Responsibility for Children
Adapted from Ina J. Hughes
We pray (accept responsibility) for children
who sneak popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes.
And we pray (accept responsibility) for those
who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who can’t bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who never “counted potatoes”,
who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead,
who never go to the circus,
who live in an X-rated world.
We pray (accept responsibility) for children
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.
And we pray (accept responsibility) for those
who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents die,
who can’t find any bread to steal,
who don’t have have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
whose monsters are real.
We pray (accept responsibility) for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghosts stories,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed, and never rinse out the tub,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at
and whose smiles can make us cry.
And we pray (accept responsibility) for those
whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren’t spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.
We pray (accept responsibility) for children
who want to be carried
and for those who must,
for those we never give up on
and for those who don’t get a second chance.
For those we smother…
and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.
Monday morning we had our 2nd homestudy meeting at Catholic Charities. I highly recommend them if you’re in the area – we’ve loved them! It went well. It was separate interviews for about 20-30 minutes each. She mainly asked us about things we had already written down on the paperwork we’d turned in, but I know if I was a social worker, I’d believe it a lot more watching someone say it than seeing it written on paper. Anyway, the questions went well. I went first and then Jason, and she kept telling Jason that I had said the same thing. So that was funny.
One of the biggest things where I kind of felt like she was wondering about us is she asked what we do in our free time. I (and Jason) both said we play games, watch DVR’d shows, or play tennis on date nights (I know, exciting, right?). She then asked what I did in my spare time just alone. I said I really didn’t do that much on my own as we were so busy in our areas of ministry, etc. that when it came down to free nights we don’t really go out and do a lot of girls or guys nights out. I said we really do enjoy spending time with the kids. It felt like I was trying to give the superficial homestudy-approved answer, but that is really what we do. We’re major homebodies when we have the option. I tried explaining our ministry schedule and then reiterated that if I have extra time on my hands, I’m usually going to do something like volunteer at the school or do some ministry thing. Like what else is there to really DO? It was kind of funny. Jason said the same things though! She did finally ask if I had friends – I laughed and explained we really do have a good solid small group that we are great friends with, we have a family over to dinner at least every other week to hang out, I have girls that I do stuff with, I’m just not a goer-doer. That seemed to satisfy her. It’s different being 33 with three kids than it was at even 28 or so with one. Vastly different.
Tuesday I mailed off our FBI fingerprints for some kind of clearance from them. And dumb Memorial Day today – don’t get me wrong, I love that we honor our veterans and think we should do MUCH MUCH more to thank them - but it would have been very convenient had the post offices been open today – at least for an hour! I’m mailing off all of our Gladney paperwork tomorrow! CRAZY!
I love how many people are asking about the adoption. I love that people are interested, and I love to hear that people have thought about it themselves. I’m not saying everyone is called to it, but I love hearing someone is and seeing how their hearts are being changed towards it. It’s so exciting to see God moving in that way!
The comment I hear hands down more than ANY OTHER THING is this: “Well, I really would love to adopt. I really think I could. But, my husband just isn’t ready – he’s just not quite there yet.” So many times it’s the finances. As far as numbers go, I’m more of the money worrier. One friend said when they talk adoption that her husband just sees dollar signs. I was a little like that. Jason is so laid back he doesn’t worry about anything, so he’s good for me.
My advice is to just keep praying, sit back, and let God work on your husband. But, I also think it’s important to keep the dialogue going about where your heart is. It doesn’t have to be a long tirade everytime, but I think it’s important our husbands know what’s on our hearts. If we don’t talk about it at all anymore, they may think we’re not interested. Their thoughts may go something like this: “She used to talk about adoption all the time! I was praying about it for a while, but she hasn’t talked about it at all lately so I guess she’s okay with not doing it.” You know? There’s just a fine line between nagging and sharing your heart while patiently waiting for God to change his. I think it’s also a good idea if his worry is finances to do some heavy research and come up with a plan to present to him when the time is right.
I had a moment today in the grocery store where I just had the boys that I thought, four kids? Impossible! Nolan right now is a holy terror in the grocery store. He loves when the cart gets filled up so that he can twist around, grab any item he can touch, and toss it as far as he can! Everett was the hugest best big boy helper, and I was so thankful for him. It just seems that the two times when I get overwhelmed with the kids and think I can’t do it is at the grocery store (sometimes) and all the times (mainly Sunday mornings) when I have the kids by myself to get ready and get to church. Why are Sunday mornings so much harder than any other time? Aside from those two times, I’m rarely overwhelmed with the numbers. I actually love the chaos of the house just because I know in a few short years the chaos will be gone and I’ll miss it. The chaos is a reminder of the blessings we have! Whew! God has worked on us adding kids one at a time. I didn’t think I could do two at the grocery store and church. Then I thought three was impossible. And now when I think about the four, I only worry for a second because I know I can at this point. So being at peace with four makes me wonder if we’ll be done then or if God will call us to more. In my head, I think I would probably like to adopt again. But who knows – only One and I know He’ll guide us clearly!
Wow, that was random ramblings. Goodnight!!
