School’s OUT!!!

Wow!  I’ve been down for the count!  I’ve been out for just over a week and feel like I’ve been MORE busy than when I was working.  I’ve been trying to catch up on everything I didn’t do while I was out of pocket in the last year.  I think I’m going to have to chill on that… there’s a lot on my list to do!

The end of school was great!  We had some fun events with the kids to celebrate the end of their elementary school years.  One was a big 4th Grade Day where I was the person helping 78 kids all tie-dye their shirts… Fun, but a big, chaotic mess!

I was thinking it would take me forever to pack everything up in my room, but it really didn’t.  I worked so hard and fast to get all of my paperwork done and everything cleaned out that I was finished almost a day early.  I kind of twiddled my thumbs and made sure my room was really clean.

On the last day, I did cry, but not as much as I thought I would.  I was okay telling all the kids bye.  It’s not like they would be at that school next year anyway.  Most don’t come back unless they have younger siblings there.  BUT, there are a few that I really worked hard with this year that were harder to leave.

One student, we’ll call him “T”, has a TOUGH story.  Parents in and out of jail, living with family here, lots of anger issues – I could go on.  His main problem is that ANYTIME he was corrected, no matter how nicely or if it was just a tiny thing, he would LOSE it!  I’m talking major temper tantrum, refusing to talk, walking out of the room, and incredible disrespect.  I talked to his family members MULTIPLE times this year. 

At the beginning of the year, the question was how many times T was going to blow up that day – we’d be lucky if we went a day or two without a two hour session.  By middle of the year, he was improving; if nothing else his sessions were getting shorter.  During the last three months of school, I’d say he only had one incident and it was much shorter in duration.  I was so proud of his improvements, and we had a really great relationship.

Every teacher had to choose a student for “Most Improved”.  Sometimes those are really hard, but I knew immediately that I would recognize T for the hard work he’d done in controlling his temper and anger.  As the awards ceremony came closer, I encouraged him to have his aunt and uncle come.  I told him there were a lot of awards, but I was most excited about his.  He kind of smiled and tried to look tough, but I could tell he was excited.

Awards day came, and T’s family wasn’t there.  The ceremony was already getting REALLY long, and the teacher presenting those awards didn’t talk much about what “most improved” meant.  He was called up for his award and heading back to his seat, but I called him over to me.  I said, “T, she didn’t say much about this award, but this is HUGE!  This means you have improved more than anyone else in our entire class.  I’m so proud of you, and I love you very much.”

He started crying.  I hugged him, kissed his cheek, and he kept crying.  I kept waiting for him to settle down, and I assumed he was missing his mom or sad that his aunt and uncle didn’t come.  He kept crying while he was still standing beside me.  I asked if he would like to sit down for a bit before he went back to his seat.  He nodded yes and plopped down beside me where my chair was blocking the other kids from seeing him.  He proceeded to cry for about 10 minutes.  Like sloppy, loud crying.  I was just wondering as they were giving awards what was wrong.  I asked him to tell me, but in his usual fashion, he wouldn’t.  I asked if he would talk later, and he nodded yes.

Later that day as we were heading out to recess, I called him over and asked what had gotten him so emotional earlier.  T said, “I don’t know.”  (Typical man already…)  I asked if he was sad, and he said, “No.”  I said, “Well, can you tell me what you were feeling?”  He said, “I’m just really, really happy and proud!”  I smiled and let him go play.  He was just overcome with how proud of himself he was.  He’s a kid that hasn’t been recognized much for his good traits and deals with some feelings of abandonment from his parents I believe.

Well, the next day was the last day of school.  I do love all of my students; there are just others I worry about more.  Everyone of them has something I appreciate and enjoy about them.  Some are so creative, responsible, or demonstrate leadership I know will continue throughout their lives; others are hilariously funny, inspiringly creative, or just sweet cuddle-bugs that brighten my day with their hugs or drawings.  I want them all to be successful and will miss those things about them, but I worry most about the ones who just don’t have as good of a support system at home.  T most of all.

I hugged all of them goodbye, and we walked down the hallway for the last time for dismissal.  T went down to car riders; I went into the gym for bus duty.  I wanted to give him one big hug and just tell him all of my beliefs about what I knew he could accomplish, but that would single him out which would embarrass him and hurt another child’s feelings.  So, we just said goodbye and hugged.

I finished bus duty, walked through the office to check for mail as always, and up the hall past the car riders.  Usually T is gone by that time, but that day he wasn’t.  He was sitting there.  I again wanted to give him just one more hug, but I didn’t want to single him out.  I waved and walked past down the hallway.  I started to tear up, and turned around to look at him one more time.  He was looking down the hallway, watching me walk away.  I hurried back to him, gave him a big hug, a big kiss, and said, “You behave in middle school or I’m going to come hunt you down!”  He laughed, and I left feeling better.

As I walked down the hallway with Josh back to our empty rooms, I began to cry.  I told Josh that the thing I was most worried about with T was that if he didn’t get the right teachers next year that would be patient with him, see the good, and work with him, then T would be gone – gone completely down the wrong path.  I’ve taught middle school; there are so many students and so little time.  It’s not that they wouldn’t want to help him – very often they just can’t.  I worry about him slipping between the cracks.

That was pretty much my emotional moment.  I hope to be able to keep up with T.  I want to see if I can go have lunch with him to tutor him or talk to him about things if he starts having trouble.  I’m going to email his counselor in the fall.  It’s just hard to invest so much in those students and never know what comes of them.  I’ve taught six years now and no nothing about my students.  My first class of 4th graders are now going to be starting their senior year.  SENIORS!  My groups of 7th graders have been out of school for two and three years now.  It’s crazy!  I just wish I could know what they are doing and where they are.

Well, I finished up my last minute things and then left on Friday.  It was sad saying goodbye to all the teachers and my principal that I’d worked with.  I only worked there a year, but that is a really great group of people.  They are truly special!  I’ll definitely go back and visit next year.

But, as I pulled out of the school parking lot and went home to my precious family, I was thrilled!  This past week has seemed a little like a spring break.  I don’t know that it will completely hit me until school starts back in the fall, and I’m not preparing for anything.  I ALWAYS love looking at the school supply aisles when school starts back.  I know I’ll want to teach for a moment as I smell the new pencils and see the fresh, brand new empty notebooks.  But just for a moment.  I’ve loved being with my babies 24-7, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE being able to make our house a home.  It’s eased Jason’s stress, my stress, and that of the kids.  And, my schedule is wide open!!!  Except for those few summer events here and there (ha ha) that will keep us frantically busy!    But, I’m looking forward to every minute!