Ministry Just Isn’t Fun! Part Two

So, what about when ministry ISN’T fun anymore?  Whether you’re in it full time or as a layperson – what do you do when it just isn’t fun?  When it is a weight upon you?  When you are just burned out?  I don’t have a lot of answers, but I can share what I know.  

I am so thankful for being in seminary and getting involved with Metochai – the group for seminary wives.  Paula Hemphill (wife of Ken Hemphill – president of Southwestern at the time) just poured into us young and idealistic staff wives knowledge, scripture, and just wise advice that has gotten me personally through many a bump in the road.  Our ministry as a couple could never be the same without the experiences learned while we were at Southwestern.  Everything wasn’t perfect there.  There were things we disagreed with.  But, the experience as a whole was one I could never trade.  I’m all for learning locally, but for us at least, there is something to be said for moving away and having those experiences without the comforts of home.  Anyway… here are just a few things I’ve learned about ministry:

* Those feelings of burn out are completely normal!  If you’re in lay leadership, take a few weeks off when you get to that burnout stage.  Jason encourages his volunteers that need to have a breather to do so whenever they need it!  Make sure God is calling you to that time, be productive during your “break” by being intentional about being fed, and don’t beat yourself up about it (or let anyone else).  Jesus took times of rest as well!  But, let your time of rest be a set time – know in advance that in 6 weeks or 3 months or a year that you’ll get back into whatever the Lord calls you to do whether it’s the same thing or something different.

* REMEMBER YOUR CALLING!!  This is the best piece of advice for me.  Times in our ministry where I’ve wondered, what in the world are we DOING?  Why are we putting ourselves through this – and for what?  It’s those times when I need this advice most.  I go back to the spiritual markers of our ministry and remember each and every step along the way where I KNOW God called us to each point.  I remember our initial calling, our prayers, God’s clear answers, and all the circumstances and people that affirmed our call to ministry.  I remember why we wanted to get into it in the first place and our passions at the time.  And, I remember each step along the way and recognize God gently leading us towards where we are today.  It’s the simple reminder that God DID bring us to this point, this place, and this time for a purpose!

* Also in remembering our calling, I find that sometimes we’ve strayed from those passions and ideals that I know God called us to, and we just need to re-focus and get back on track!  Just re-focusing our point of view and fixing our eyes ahead is necessary many times – that comes with the taking a break a lot of times!  This time of re-focusing is so healthy for your ministry – it helps you to re-energize and makes your ministry more effective!

* Ministry ISN’T always fun – it’s not supposed to be!  Jesus didn’t call his disciples to come ride the roller coaster of fundom ministry – he called them to be fishers of men.  Fishing was their WORK – they just did it now with a different focus – an eternal one.  To be honest, I think some of those feelings are simply immaturity in the ministry (or in life) or just lack of experience, but expecting ministry to be ”fun” is just unrealistic.  There is no way it will always be fun – it’s HARD WORK!  Jesus didn’t find it “fun” to preach long hours, minister to the “untouchables”, put up with the Pharisees criticizing him, and to have disciples who questioned him and seemed at times to have not learned anything at all in spite of walking so closely with him!  Ministry can be fulfilling, exciting, a blessing, and most definitely a privilege, but I would never tell someone it’s going to be consistently fun! 

When we first realized our calling, we were talking to Bro. David, and he tried to talk us out of ministry in a way – to be sure we were sure I know.  He said, “If there is any other vocation in life that you can be happy and satisfied doing instead of ministry, do it.  Don’t go into ministry if you can do ANYTHING else and be fulfilled.”  What great advice!  We knew we couldn’t do anything else – this is what the Lord had called us to do and be.  Accept it as work and hard work.  I think a lot of ministers and wives and lay people in ministry look at all the benefits of ministry – and there ARE many! – but expect that to be all they encounter.  It’s just not the reality as it shouldn’t be.  We should expect trials, attacks, and troubles when we are seeking to bring people to Christ!  Satan is on us like white on rice!

* Enter a season of serious prayer and look at all the positives in your ministry – look at the people you’ve been able to impact, the changes God has used you to make, and the ways you yourself has grown spiritually.  A lot of times when there is a season of criticism or things not going well, it’s easy to lose perspective of all the things God is doing.  Step back and look at the big picture!

* Sometimes those feelings of frustration are because we are no longer in the right place at the right time.  This is our third church, and there were times at the two previous churches where we had begun to get frustrated and unsettled with the way things were going.  We prayed and prayed, tried all of the above things, and God didn’t give us relief.  It was time to move on.  Not because they were wrong or we were wrong.  But, what once was a good fit was no longer a place where we were called to be.  God had something new for us lined up.  I think that’s the key with this one though.  If it is truly no longer a fit in your current ministry, and you don’t just need a break, then God will have something else He’ll show you.  Until God clearly calls you elsewhere, stay where you are -stay at the last place that you’ve been called to.  (Did that sentence make sense?)  In other words, if you KNOW God called you to your current position of ministry, don’t MOVE from that spot in a permanent way until you are sure that God has called you to another specific position.

* For staff wives, and for wives whose husbands serve as a deacon or key leader in the church, accept that his ministry is your ministry!  The Bible tells us that marriage brings two people together as one flesh.  My role in ministry as Jason’s wife is different from his, but we BOTH have a calling to children’s ministry.  I firmly believe that.  That doesn’t mean I have to serve the same way he does - at this time God has called me to serve in youth ministry.  I don’t teach children on Sundays or Wednesdays!  I love camp and VBS – they are the true highlights of my year.  And, I pray constantly that I’m where God wants me to be.  But, his calling being my calling doesn’t mean that I cannot have another area of ministry in addition to his. 

But, I do have a responsibility to support him – that is my number one priority as far as the ministries I’m involved with.  I pray for him, we talk over the direction of his ministry, I seek to help him in leadership whether that be ministering to volunteers or hosting things at our house.  It’s not as much what I do as it is my attitude.  There is nothing that will kill a husband’s ministry than to say, “Well, that’s your calling, not mine.  Don’t expect me to get involved in that.”  When their schedules are 24-7, and I’ve had it with the kids and just want him home with us for a night, remembering that I was called to this equally is what keeps me from saying and thinking thoughts that begrudge him of the time he is spending in ministry.  Having an attitude of support and understanding instead of regret and bitterness is the most important aspect of being called WITH Jason.  When I am supporting him and remembering that I am called by the Lord to this ministry as well, I am able to seek to make our home a haven for him when he is here, not groan when the phone rings for him to leave for the evening, and not grumble when I’m walking into church in the rain with two (or three) grouchy kids alone.  It is huge for me to rejoice with him over his successes, pray with him over his struggles, and think through the logistics of his ministry.  A wife should be a valuable and indispensable helpmate in her husband’s ministry, NOT someone who drags him down and makes it harder for him to do his job.

* On the flip side of the above, it’s also my job to help Jason stay balanced.  There are times I must gently remind him to keep our family in focus.  There are times when I have to carve out time for us to be together as a family.  I’m the man one responsible for making sure we aren’t so busy busy during every possible free moment so that we do have that down time.  As a result, we don’t do a lot – especially during the week nights!  I used to go and do a lot, but I’ve learned that for our growing family, we need to be home during a good portion of the week for us to refuel as a family.  The kids need uninterrupted Daddy time!  I haven’t always been good at this, and I still have areas to work on.  But, as a rule, we just pretty much don’t do anything during the week – Monday, Tuesday, Thursdays.  Not scheduled every week or every month things at least.  For us, our weekends are always busy – although usually still as a family, and Sundays and Wednesdays are very busy ministry days.  So, those three nights are kind of precious time for us.  That doesn’t mean we never have anything – Jason has things he has to do work-wise on those nights, and I will do a mom’s night out occasionally.  But, I’ve learned if I can get my “mom” time during the day or on weekends, our family works better to have those three nights reserved when we can.  There’s not a lot Jason can do to make MORE family time – when he needs to work, he needs to work, but there is a lot I can do when choosing my activities since I am home during the day.  That includes trying to get laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. accomplished when he isn’t home so we don’t have as many “chores” to do when he is.  I try to do Bible studies and play dates during the day so I can be home at nights.  That’s just what I’ve learned (over a long process of time) that works for us.  I think it’s become more necessary as our kids have gotten a little older.

* Talk to someone who understands your situation.  If you’re a deacon’s wife, talk to another more experienced deacon’s wife.  If your husband is a lay leader in the church, talk to another wife whose husband is a strong lay leader in the church.  If you’re a staff wife, talk to a staff wife.  You can talk to ANYONE that struggles with similar issues that you are dealing with, but make sure they can understand what you deal with.  I don’t talk to my lost friends about my struggles as a staff wife – they just wouldn’t get it.  Be honest and share ALL of your feelings with someone.  I’d advise you to talk with God and then your husband before going to a friend.  But, sometimes we need someone to just give some practical, been there done that felt those feelings, advice!

This post is so lengthy, but I am so passionate about this topic!  It hurts me to see ministry burnout – whether full time or for a lay person.  If you’re feeling that, I encourage you to speak to someone!  Don’t stay in a funk – do something to get out of it! 

I’m sure there are lots of you with other suggestions to cope with burnout as well – feel free to share!  I may think of 10 more myself!