3 AM Thoughts
Yep, it’s 3 am, and I cannot even sleep – my heart is filled with such joy. Thank you sisters – I truly felt spoiled yesterday afternoon as I read all of your encouragements and prayers. Oh, what power and blessings! You can’t know. The goodness of God yesterday afternoon literally overwhelmed me again - just in another way! I took a long walk yesterday afternoon, had a great time of prayer and time with the Lord, and in short, my brain has definitely caught up with my heart – I knew it would.
One thing God keeps bringing to mind is the content of this post from May of 2007 which was a conclusion of a series of posts. In short, in my mind I was done having children – like mentally, emotionally, everything DONE having children, and God said very clearly that He wanted us to have more. He did a 180 on my heart and mind about more kids that could only be contributed to the Lord. You’d have to know how satisfied I was with our family of FOUR to know what a 180 it really was…
Within just two months or so, that lead to this post where we were pregnant! Definitely record breaking speed for us in getting pregnant compared to 4-ish years with Katie Beth and having to use some fertility drugs (although mild) and lots of time to get pregnant with Everett. One month of not even trying, trying and ta-da! I KNEW at that time that God really had ordained this child – He does all of us, but I’ve just had a sense that God wants to use this child in a uniquely special way.
God reminded me of all this during my prayer time tonight. Oh, what a blessing. I don’t know what twists and turns this pregnancy and delivery will bring. I don’t know God’s plan or timeline, but I am so thankful for the grace and peace that He’s given me. I’m now ONLY overwhelmed by his grace, his love, and his providence. I have truly laid this all out before him and surrendered Nolan to WHATEVER plans the Lord has for his life from this next month or so through however much time on earth he blesses Nolan with. I just have the greatest sense of surrender and peace than I think I’ve ever had. It is NOT attributed to me, only to the Lord – it is straight from him! It’s just surreal the peace and excitement I feel about what is ahead.
I’ve had a time of reflection during these early morning hours and looking through all of the past few weeks of quiet times and reflecting over the last even six months of all the things God has taught me. He’s just been preparing me for this and teaching me so much. I’ve been reading through My Utmost for His Highest (MUFHH), and it’s amazing how it had linked up with our circumstances, what I’m teaching my high school girls (the power of the Holy Spirit), sermons I’ve heard, etc. I just love when God does that – matches up everything together. In MUFHH, the focus over the past couple of weeks has been being separated out to God. I’ve really prayed through what in the world that means and what it even looks like in practical purposes. My favorite quote has been, ”CONSECRATION IS THE ACT OF CONTINUALLY [daily, every single moment of every single day] SEPARATING MYSELF FROM EVERYTHING EXCEPT THAT WHICH GOD HAS APPOINTED ME TO DO.” I prayed for God to show me what that even means and what practically I need to do, and He is in the process of doing so.
My challenge has been understanding at a higher level what it means to be “separated out to the gospel”. We taught our high schoolers about witnessing and having a passion for the lost this last week and the role of the Holy Spirit in that. But, what does it mean for our lives to be truly SET ASIDE for the sole purpose of showing Christ to those around us? How do we get to that point? I can say I want to be there, I’m willing to be there, but how do you really get there for 100% of EVERY desire and thought to be pointed towards that goal instead of focusing on the distractions Satan throws our way?
My quiet time today after looking over all of these journal entries and prayers was about the compelling majesty of God’s power – how his power and love are so strong that when we can truly surrender to him that we are drawn to him with a force that just can’t be reckoned with.
This one area, with Nolan’s health and this birth, is just a small area – I know there aren’t life threatening circumstances really. But God has allowed me to really have peace in the surrender with this. I’m excited about it only because it comes straight from the Lord. AND, I feel like it’s a glimpse of what He wants to apply in every single other aspect in my life.
There are lots of areas of my life that I’m holding onto with a vice grip that I DON’T want to surrender to the Lord. I want to (I guess) worry and over-analyze and fix it myself. I have so much more to learn. My prayers are just that God can give me the ability to have this sense of peace and surrender in EVERY area of my life. I have a lot of work ahead of me with the Lord, but I am so excited.
Again, a rambling post, but I just wanted to try and share a glimpse of God’s graciousness. Thank you again for all of your encouragements and prayers – I truly feel them. Now, on to my to-do list – well, not at three am. Tomorrow maybe? Believe it or not, I am STILL procrastinating and un-motivated to do much of anything! HA!
Sarah, you have no idea who I am. I am a friend of Erin Lynn’s and I have been reading your blog for a while now. I know it’s strange…my husband says I’m nosy, but I think it is because I feel such a connection to you. I, too, am a wife of a minister and I have three small children, 4, 2 and 1. You have been such an encouragement to me with your wise words and your hilarious observations. I thought you might like to know at this time of uncertainty in your life that you have people you don’t even know praying for you and your precious Nolan.
Aww, Leigh Ann! Great to meet you online! Tell your hubbie that’s what blogs are for!!
I have loved meeting so many new people on here. And anyone that is a friend of my sweet Erin’s is a friend of mine! Thanks for your encouragement, and yes, your prayers mean more to me than you could know. Thank you so much. Keep reading and jump in to comment anytime! Do you serve with Erin? Do you have a blog? If not, you might need to start one! 
Sarah – first, know that I am and will continue to pray for your specific requests – God knows Nolan’s birth date – He knew it even before the foundations of the earth were laid – I know you know that
. Where will you deliver – you know I work at Baptist, so let me know if that is where you are delivering and I will “hook” you up 
– my background is NICU and well baby -if you want to talk, please don’t hesitate to call. Also – I know what it is like to have all of my preconceived ideas about how I would deliver my children completely blown away 
– neither Addie nor Ryan went the way “I” wanted them to go – Ryan was one of those where I went in for a regular check- up and then boom – I had a baby in a few hours – mean old doctor wouldn’t even let me go home and get a toothbrush 
!! At one point I was on the phone with Susan Moffitt and I think an add came on for film and I screamed “we don’t even have our camera!” – David Moffitt to the rescue – a camera and video camera came in right before Ryan was born – I laugh about it now – God and His sense of humor 
. Also – I had a c-section with him, I will pray that you don’t have to go that route – but, honestly – it was easier for me than the other way – I did very well – you are a tough gal – God is preparing you physically, mentally, spiritually for His plan-Lord we praise You as we know You are already arming Sarah and Jason you with Your strength and making their way perfect. I hope this doesn’t come across as if I’m giving advice – I’m not – really just want to say “I’m here and know what it’s like when things go another way …….”
“As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.” 2 Samuel 22:31
Oh yeah – my phone number is 452-1574
This song has been in my head all week, esp. when praying for another family here, but it comes to mind now for you:
“MY Jesus, He can move the mountains, My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save. Forever Author and Salvation, He rose and conquered the grave.”
So glad that you met Leigh Ann. We used to live across the street from each other, she left me a couple of years ago for another neighborhood!
Her husband serves at another church here.
Praying for you, friend. Love, Michelle