Wow… Hormones

Ok, so we are going in for our appt tomorrow.  I really am excited!  In theory, we could have sweet Nolan on the outside by this time tomorrow!  Or not…  We know it will be within the next two weeks, just don’t know when.  So, the likelihood of us having him tomorrow out of all of the next 14 days is a slimmer chance I guess.  He could have us wait a week or even two to be sure…  But, we are getting ready today just in case he does come tomorrow!  That way we’re prepared.

So, we’re going to go the appt tomorrow (ultrasound at 8:15 and appt with doctor immediately following), with our hospital bags packed, etc.  So, I’m trying to get all that ready today.  I pulled out the diaper bag and started to pack it, and I realized I can’t really remember what exactly I need to put in it.  I mean, I know diapers and wipes (which you of course don’t need AT the hospital), a blanket, change of clothes, diaper cream, and isn’t that about it?  It’s so funny that I have to think about it.  I of course will put in some pacifiers, but it’s funny that I’m kind of drawing a blank here!

And, I can’t really remember the things to put in my hospital bag.  I mean I know basics, but I know there are things I’m going to forget.  SO, I’m going to look online to find a packing list.  That is just weird.  Surreal that we are packing the bag, funny that I can’t remember!  You would think by the third kid that I would just know these things!

I had a moment at the kitchen table this afternoon.  When I was pregnant with Everett, I had several episodes where I just cried.  I would just hold Katie Beth and look at her and imagine all of the ways her life was about to change – a screaming baby, less attention, not understanding why Mommy can’t hold her at times, having to wait sometimes, and just her world being changed.  I knew in my head that a brother would be great for her and her life would be better for it, but I still just cried for the loss of life as she knew it… funny now – they adore each other!

So, I was sitting at lunch this afternoon and sweet Everett was sitting across from me.  He was just laughing, cutting up, and not eating of course.  He was talking about how excited he was that he wasn’t wearing diapers anymore but “undies” and “panties”.  We laughed and explained boys don’t wear panties.  But, he was just so precious looking.  And big boy looking.  His sweet smile, his adorable hair framing his face, his excitement of being the center of attention… 

I suddenly had a frantic panic moment where I just wanted to freeze time and just wait.  I wanted desperately to just sit and hold him and Katie Beth both and just memorize these moments and just the way they are right now.  I know the next few months will be busy, and I just don’t want to miss any part of their lives – not one smile or laugh or dumb joke or even a tear.  I was suddenly desperate for more time with them.  I wanted to freeze the “calm”.  Because our lunches are calm most of the time – relatively speaking of course.  We eat, tell silly knock knock jokes, spill things almost daily, but still calm.  I’m sitting with them, we laugh, and I can give my attention to them.  Imagining what the next few months are sure to bring was a tad overwhelming at that moment.  My hormones were surging today!  A part of me was sitting there thinking that I just don’t want this little stranger interrupting the lives of these two babies.

But, truly at that exact moment, sweet Nolan gave me a nudge (okay, a big kick), as if to remind me that I’m totally psyched about him coming too.  I smiled.  I remembered and reminded myself that I can’t wait to hold him and meet him.  Katie Beth and Everett ask daily about him coming and can hardly stand the excitement!  I strangely can’t remember much of what it’s like to take care of a newborn, and I apparently have to look at a list to figure out what to put in his bag.  But, I want him here with us.  I know it will be a period of adjustment, but I know within a couple of months at the lastest that we’ll all adjust and his big brother and big sister will be that much better people for having him here.  We all will be.  What a blessing from the Lord!

So, my hormonal moment has passed.  Interesting….

I will post tomorrow when we get home from the appt the status of everything going on and hopefully we’ll have a plan of some sorts.  If we do for some reason go right to the hospital, sweet Carrie is going to post for me to update you guys!  Thanks for all of your prayers these past few months, and for all the ones ahead!  I can’t wait for Nolan to meet all of you!