Anger
“In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.” Psalm 4:4
This has been a popular verse at our house this week. Sweet Katie Beth is totally charming 90% of the time, but boy, when something doesn’t go her way, she gets MAD! To be fair to her I won’t go in to details, but there was a scene at our house last night that Jason and I actually had to send her to her room so we could talk for 15 minutes to figure out how to handle it. It wasn’t an uncommon situation for her age, but like most adults, there are things we want to do differently with our children than how we were raised. We’re trying to figure out our own model of parenting here. We’re forging an unknown path. I can deal with dirty diapers and toddler temper tantrums, but attitude and defiance and anger is just a little harder. I’ve read books, I’ve talked to wise people, but when it comes down to it, each parent has to figure out what works best for their family.
For this situation, we have some specific things we’re doing which include discipline and practicing controlling anger, and we’re doing that with a lot of love. But, we’re also working on this verse. Katie Beth memorized (and wrote) “In your anger, do not sin.” We explained it’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to make bad choices when we’re angry. Unfortunately we’ve had several opportunities today to work on it as well. We’re getting there though.
I’m taking this to heart as well. I grew up in a house where we all said what we felt or thought and not necessarily in a respectful, calm, or loving way. My family is a loud one! Jason is the complete opposite. He grew up with not a lot of open conflict. There was a vast divide to conquer when we first got married. Almost 11 years later, and I think we’re close to meeting in the middle finally. But, I still have to really work on not sinning in my anger. That’s tough. I think I feel justified to “lose it” when I believe that I am angry for a good reason. It’s okay to be angry (Jesus got angry several times!), but it’s not okay to express it in a way that hurts someone emotionally or physically or in a way that does not glorify God. Wow.
I think it’s interesting that this verse is followed by “when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.” Andy Stanley talks about this with his kids. About doing a heart check at night before bed – it’s a good thing to think about our hearts and whether we are angry before going to bed. Resolving and confessing that to the Lord on a regular basis is pivotal to our spiritual health. But, search your heart and be quiet – LISTEN to the Lord. I don’t know about you, but I find it hardest to listen when I’m angry. This is a skill and discipline I’m going to really work on. Even though I’ve improved vastly over the last 11 years, I want my heart to be checked on a regular basis. Not based on what I think, but on what the Lord has to say about it.
I love that you mentioned Andy Stanley’s “heart-check”. I think I’m going to do a post on this sometime. Jason and I do that with Adeline every night to condition her to constantly “check” her heart.
Great Post….
We practice calm in our household too. I grew up like your Jason, but I think my husband, Phillip, grew up in a household similar to the one you grew up in. I see how his married with children brothers act in their households. Constant yelling at their girls or even at the wife! There is no peace. Now, Phillip knows I would not stand for that, so he has never acted in that way to me. Phillip was wanting that calm home life when we married. Your home should be a peaceful place. We hardly ever have shouting in this house, even with the children. I always had a temper though. It took me years to learn to control my anger and like you said, it is hard not to say things in anger and regret later. I am a bit of a “Snapper,” holding everything in until I explode. I think though that having children has taught me much patience and studying God’s Word helps too. Also, age brings on more calm to your temperment, I promise. My aunt gave me the best advice before I was married, “Never, ever go to bed angry.” I have tried to follow that but there have been a few times that I have failed. Talk about a bad night’s sleep! I have tried to pass this on to Britnee and Brett. Go to bed with a peaceful heart. I know it is tough going through this with your children when they get mad and figuring out the best way to solve the anger. Just keep showing her love, let her know that certain things are unacceptable(after calming yourself down) and talk to her about why she is angry. I am a BIG believer in talking, no matter what age they are. It works out in the end.
what a sweet family of 5! love that photo! good post !
I love the fact that you had her memorize and write the scripture verse. And love the new picture!