More Cement

I am really enjoying this book, but I sure am reading it very slowly!!  I just wanted to share something else I read recently that I thought was really interesting.  I’ve been chewing on it a few days now.

The author (Anne Ortlund) talks about three forms of parenting – shape up, pull up, and lift up.  We use all three at some point in our parenting – or we should.  Here are the basics that she gives:

Shape up is the “do _______ or I’ll do _______”.  For example, clean your room or I’ll not allow you to watch television.  Eat your dinner or no dessert.  This should be used during the toddler and earlier preschool age.  They learn in this stage that an unwanted behavior equals an unwanted consequence.

Pull up is next.  This is when the adult determines the goal and deliberately and patiently “pulls up” the child towards that goal.  This should be used during the elementary age.  She stated they work well with setting goals and projects for them to accomplish.  The Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts base their programs around the “pull up” strategy.  An example used in parenting is behavior charts so obviously this stage can start around 3’s too if it’s something simple but can be in a more complex form (like the scouts) as they get older.

Lift up is her final stage.  She says this should begin around age 12.  This is where the parent is under the child, lifting him up towards his OWN inner GOD-GIVEN goals.  The parent has a humble attitude and speaks to the child with love and respect as another adult.  Obviously the parent still must parent, but her theory is that if you’ve done well up until this point, they should be ready for this stage.  She quotes Phillippians 2:3 for the parents needed attitude:  “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”  Parent not for yourselves, but for the way God made them.  Encourage them to pursue the things God has laid upon their hearts.

During this lift up stage, she explains that the parent will be encouraging the child ahead of schedule.  (For example, “Wow, you cleaned your room so well.  When you grow up, you’re going to do a great job taking care of your house.”  or “I just know you’re going to be a great driver when you start learning.  You are so responsible with following our rules at home that I just know you’ll do a great job of following the rules of the road.”) 

It’s using hope as in 1 Cor 13:7 – “Love always hopes…”  She mirrored this by saying that GOD has creative hope for us!  That kind of was my wow moment in this chapter to think about that.  He affirms us ahead of schedule, hoping in love.  GOD accepts us as being RIGHTEOUS before we ever in fact are!!  Wow – doesn’t that get you?  Nothing less than our faith can or will please him because we cannot reach the state of righteous perfection that he requires!  We must accept the beautiful things he says of us long before they are actually true!  WOW.  And what an example to follow in parenting huh???