It’s Looming
Kindergarten that is. My friend Amy keeps doing a countdown. I wish she’d stop. I may stop reading her blog for a month if she continues the countdown. Both of our daughters will be starting kindergarten though in just two weeks. Oh, my heart.
I really didn’t think I’d have a hard time with this. Unlike Amy, change usually isn’t hard on me. And, Katie Beth really wants to go and will not have one moment of a hard time transitioning. In two weeks is “registration”, and then they’ll have some staggered days where only a few of them come in at a time. But, there will be that day where she’ll START. For real. Six hours a day where she will not be in my life. Every day. Having been a public school teacher, I feel that about 90% of homeschooled kids would be better off in school. Just my opinion from a teacher’s standpoint. But, at this moment my mom’s heart wants my brain to at least consider it for a bit. I know it would not be best for her though, and my brain keeps telling my heart that. I know this. My heart hasn’t learned it yet though.
When I allow myself to think about it, I get a true sickness in the pit of my stomach and my chest gets tight. Amy wrote a good post here about just giving it to the Lord and being still. Being still though is when I think about it. It’s not a trust issue for me. I know God will take care of her. I know He loves her more than I. I will just miss her horribly. She’s my only girl, my firstborn, my sweet baby girl. My helper, my baby comforter, my sweet eager to help girl. A frequent source of laughter. A portion of ME. A big, huge part of my heart.
I’m praying our missed time together will be redeemed. I’m praying I don’t bawl like an idiot on that first day. I’m actually praying someone can take the boys so I can come home, curl up on the couch, and cry my eyes out while looking at her baby pictures. I’m not kidding. I’m crying writing this. Thanks a lot AMY!
It’s coming. There’s nothing I can do to stop it. I’m only praying for the Lord to be the salve for my hurting heart. Or time to freeze for a long time. Now.
Big hugs!! We did it last year and I feel ya! I am not sure first grade is going to be any easier for us.
We can cry together Sarah!! I may cry on registration day. . . b/c I know that Addison will be so nervous. I think it would be a little easier for me if I knew she was totally excited. I know she will love it, but I am with you on it being my oldest child, my helper, and the fact that someone else will have her for 6 hours of the day! Yikes! I am having to trust God not only with her, but with myself. That, like you, I won’t fall apart completely. But from what I hear, some schools have a “Boo Hoo Room” for mommies during the first week of school. Isn’t that cute?? If we were at the same school, I’d say, “Meet me there.” But we may have to settle for being together in spirit.
And then maybe we can drink coffee together and cry and then eat some chocolate to make us feel better. Or me, anyway!!!
Girl… I am praying for you and trust me as being a mommy of two that have started school in the last year or two… it is a good thing that she is excited and wants to go for you and her both… both of my kids went right in and had no problems at all… although while I wanted to cry and keep them with me it was a comfort knowing that I was not leaving them in tears and that they wanted to be there. they both love love Madison Creek and the teachers there…. it does get easier and the days progress and makes the snow days and the days they have off all the more special….
and you will have the memories of their first that they will have in school…
Sarah, I am right there with you! Bekah starts 2 weeks from today for real! Meet the Teacher is less than 2 weeks away! I remember holding KB right before we moved and I was very pregnant with Bek!
Bekah is thrilled, although I know she’ll cry when we leave her, she cried the first day of Pre-K both years, and that was at our church! I am asking Chad to take the day off!
Sarah,
I randomly read your blog when I check Cheryl’s. I SO can identify with you. People thought I was crazy when I had such a hard time with our oldest going to Kindergarten two years ago. My heart ached!!! To tell you the truth it still does when she is away at school and she will only be in 2nd grade. I LOVE vacations and summertime more then I ever have before! Our last two, our twins, will start kindergarten this fall and I can’t even think of it without tearing up. I mean, I just pray I will not cry IN FRONT of them on the first day and can wait until my husband and I get to the car! It is so hard to let go of them for that amount of time and missing them SO bad!!! God has his arms surrounding them the whole day I remind myself and what fun they will have learning, making new friends, and becoming independent(even more so than they already are)!!!! You are SO right–when I was a social worker before I had kids the teenagers I saw that were home schooled struggled so much socially! School is great for them–just hard for us mommies! I will be praying for you today. A wise lady at our church recently told me not to go home after I dropped the twins off this year–she told me to call a friend and go out to lunch, to their house, whatever I had to do instead of coming home to a quiet house. Don’t know yet if I will be able to do that–we will see!!! Enough rambling…..what in the world will we do when they go to college?
Amy Olivarez
…love you girl. Great hanging out last night. I’ll be praying that you have peace!