One year ago today (November 2nd – I know, I’m posting just about 30 minutes after the ACTUAL date) we got our referral. Jason and I sat in SHOCK on the phone listening to the fact that we were being referred TWIN THREE MONTH OLD BABY GIRLS. SHOCKED SHOCKED SHOCKED. SHOCKED. We just stared at each other. We were thrilled and excited and nervous and thrilled and excited all at the same time. And shocked! We NEVER expected twins! Nor did we expect babies so young.
We sat and gazed at these pictures, listened to how sick their little bodies were, heard their story, and just wondered in amazement what God was up to:
Lyla on left, Sosie on right
Lyla
Sosie
Nor did we expect such a long wait to get them home. Aahhh, what a journey this last year has been. But ohhh, look at these sweet babies now:
Clapping after church this past Sunday - they went to nursery for an hour! It was rough, but we all made it! YAY!
I love how they watch each other.
Lyla started playing peekaboo with her dress...
I see you!
Lyla
Sosie
My two little Halloween pumpkins...
Sosie on left, Lyla on right
The two pumpkins did not go trick or treating with my Spiderman, Princess Leia, and Indiana Jones - they stayed home with me. They were a bit out of sorts.
I'm seeing more and more scenes like this - holding hands at their highchairs...
Oh that twin bond...
(Sosie was done holding hands and was doing her pose for the camera - Lyla's like, hey, come back here, hold my hand sissie!!!!)
Another everyday scene - both the twin love and the diarrhea of toys...
Cuddling again...
What? You have the camera out? Let me jump up and do my camera pose!
I know I haven’t written in a while. Yes, we’ve been fighting to keep our heads above water, but if I’m 100% honest, most days I can’t write because I don’t dare write what I’m thinking/feeling. We have had some really really tough days. My lack of documenting them has less to do with what people will think about me and more to do with what the girls will think when they grow up and read what I wrote.
We have lots of good moments, and I don’t want the bad to overshadow the good. I remember reading a couple of places (where????) that it can take a year for the parents and adopted child to bond to each other. I read that and thought it was ridiculous, but I can see that more.
And as much as I’ve read that you instantly have the same bond with your adopted child as you did with your biological children, I say hogwash. It’s different. And every normal person I’ve talked to says the same. It’s just different to get a kid who has lived a year or more of their life somewhere else with different rules and procedures and methods of communication, etc and then to try to integrate them into your home – it’s just different. It’s not a “blank slate” – of course a biological kid isn’t a blank slate either with their personalities, etc., but on top of the normal “presets”, there’s no blank slate with an adopted kid.
We’ve learned a WHOLE lot more than I ever wanted to know about brain chemistry, the chemistry of fear in kids from hard places, hyper-vigilance, mother rejection, and all kinds of other things that literally fill books. But we’re learning. And growing. And improving.
All day today I sat and just marveled at the girls and thought about what we were doing a year ago. One year ago right now we were getting the news. One year ago right now we were telling the kids. One year ago right now we were telling most of our parents. One year ago right now we were laying in bed going, “Twins? Really? Twins? WOOOWWWW!”
I’d remember being anxious to hold them yet at the same time anxious about how in the world we could do two babies plus three others. And while I was remembering those feelings from a year ago, I’m also chasing and laughing at and changing diapers with those twin babies. I’m cuddling them, kissing their smooshy cheeks, keeping them out of the toilet, patting their backs for nap time, and scooping dinner into their little mouths. I’m watching them play with each other, hold hands, and roll around on the floor. (All the pictures in the white sleepers were from tonight.)
And BOTH girls are walking now. Lyla is toddling around everywhere, and she is incredibly proud of herself for walking so well. We cheer her on and she just LIGHTS UP! What a bright smiley face! She and Sosie have such fun together! When Lyla picks up a little more speed I’m going to be in BIG trouble!
It’s so neat to see them come out of their shells a little bit everyday. They bond to us just a little bit more, and their connection with each other is amazing. They comfort each other when one is crying or upset or tired. They bring each other their doggies or sippy cups (AND BRING THE CORRECT COLOR – AMAZING, YES???!!!) The pat each other on the head (or smush the crying one on the head making it worse.)
And they do the same for Nolan, Everett, and Katie Beth. Today Nolan was crying about something and he was laying in my lap for a few minutes of cuddle time. Both girls toddled over and patted his head and rubbed his back. Sweet babies.
And then tonight right before bed I got both of them in my lap at once, both heads laying on one of my shoulders, and I just got to sing to them while they sat cuddling with me, looking at each other, their faces only inches apart from each other while doing their twin-babbling, and yet they were cuddled up to ME.
So that’s what I was doing today while I was remembering a short, yet long, year ago today. It was a wonderful referral-versary day. Not perfect, but it was a pretty darn good one.
I love these sweet girls. And as hard as life is sometimes around here, it’s getting easier – slowly. (really slowly) And all five of us are so so so thrilled that they are here. I don’t think we could imagine our lives any other way.
(Well, except the times when I imagine myself alone on a lonely beach with no rescue in sight for a few days or the times when I imagine myself sleeping in a big comfy bed for days on end with only the interruption of room service or the times that I imagine a nice massage. But other than that, totally can’t imagine life without them!)
Thanks for being on this journey with us! What a year it’s been!
And if you want some more memories, here’s our referral/we passed court video:
I always love hearing your heart!! They are so precious!!